The title says it all. I feel like so many things are getting started in life right now and not all of them are easy. Take this blog for example: freaking A! When did I become internet illiterate? I'm only 30 for crying out loud and it took me half an hour and two cups of coffee just to get set up. I almost called my 13 year old sister for help.
Apparently the Tab button is no longer used for indentation on a blog either. *Sigh* Starting to feel really old!
Anyhow, back to the topic. So many things feel like they're starting anew...my 30's, motherhood to two little boys, a closer walk with the Lord, and training for a 5k (which doesn't sound like a big deal, but please reference the comment about two little boys). Oh! And this blog (which I have a feeling is the beginning of a beautiful love/hate relationship).
In March, I bid farewell to the roaring 20's (thank God) and began my 30's with a bang! Well, as much of a bang as you can when you're 7 months pregnant and can't drink. Or move without waddling. It was a bittersweet farewell. I learned a lot in my 20's. Made a lot of mistakes, discoveries, friends and decisions that will forever shape the rest of my life. There are things that I look back on and shake my head at, things that I am proud of myself for and things that still make me turn red with embarrassment. But there was not one thing I would change. Each incident, choice, misstep or flying leap has led me to this place in life and this person that I am that I'm really starting to like (now that I'm getting to know who she really is).
My 20's saw my college years where my inner wild child first made her appearance and fought long and hard to take over, thus beginning my duplicitous lifestyle. (Also known as the "shake-my-head" years). This time period was necessary for learning valuable life lessons...like, it's extremely hard to witness to a bar full of people after you've downed your 4th tequila shot. True story. People tend to not take you seriously when you're talking about God and you're slurring your words. I also learned that going to bible meetings and "looking" holy (insert closing eyes and raising hands during worship time just to show how "good" I am) was extremely unfulfilling and probably did not fool ANYBODY. Not even myself. Sorry to all of you that I pushed away during that time. It wasn't you. It was me.
This time period also taught me trust. Mostly who NOT to trust. My "friends" were great on Friday and Saturday nights (and Wednesday nights. And Tuesday nights. Oh who are we kidding? Pretty much every night) but when the numbness of the alcohol wore off, none of those friends were to be found. I learned that allowing someone to buy a T.V. on your credit is not the smartest thing to do, and the credit card company doesn't buy the "well, it's MY credit card, but HE's making the payments" argument. Re-possessing that T.V. was pretty much the most satisfying thing I ever did. Hey, if I'm gonna pay for it, I might as well own it.
My 20's also found me on the wrong side of an argument which made me the epitome of white-trash. Yep. That was me standing in the trailer park that I had been living in, at night, with the cops, hastily loading all of my stuff into truck beds because my roommate and I had had a falling out (which I'm still not sure what it was REALLY about. I AM fairly certain, however, that it was NOT about the leftover rice that I ate). I'm pretty sure I did something stupid to start the fight that I was totally unaware of at the time. Oh, I forgot to mention, this wild child was pretty self-centered.
Thus began my exodus from Wyoming and a new life here in Texas. I'd love to say that my wild child had made a good run and was content to slip back into the darkness from whence she came, but alas that was not the case. She had a few more wild oats to sow. It was at my first job in Texas that I met my first, dearest, forever friend Alison. Love this girl! With our college years behind us, we began "grown up" life together. We have had some great times together and she was my anchor in a new world where I knew no one. We have laughed together, cried together, jumped out of an airplane together, and there are many things that we will take to the grave together just because they're too embarrassing to share with anyone else.
It was in my mid 20's that my dear husband entered the picture. All of a sudden, the wild child had met her match in this handsome, kind, steady, responsible man. She no longer felt the need to be front and center, stealing the spotlight from the real me. Robby began to convince me that I really could be myself, and that was enough for him. More importantly, I began to believe him. As we grew closer, my wild child grew more and more distant. She made fewer appearances and gave Robby and I time to get to know each other. On the day I walked down the aisle in my beautiful white dress, feeling like a princess, I knew my wild child was watching from a distance, wishing me well and waving good-bye. It had been fun, but it was time to move on.
My sweet husband was the gateway to the next chapter in my life. We found out we were expecting our wonderful first born after only 3 months of marriage. We also bought a house and Robby had to go work in India for 6 weeks. I was 6 months pregnant, moving by myself all of our stuff. Ugh! I felt like I had reached new levels of achievement after that. In September, we celebrated our 1 year anniversary. In October, we celebrated our first baby boy. We were so joyful and so totally unprepared for what Canyon Bryan would bring to our lives. The very few traces that were left from my wild child were now completely erradicated. Living your life so completely for someone else can do that to you.
In May of 2012, we welcomed another precious boy. Logan Robert joined us 3 months ago and I honestly don't remember what it felt like to not have him in our family. We are so blessed each and every day to get to see our kids growing and learning that the wild child days don't even COMPARE! When Logan smiles at me making faces my heart leaps for joy. When my almost 3 year old hugs me and tells me "Oh, you're a sweet mommy" it makes my heart melt. When my husband walks in the door after working as hard as he does so I can be a stay-at-home mom, my heart is complete. And when we drop our kids off at Sunday school and I see how much Canyon enjoys his little friends and how the ladies love on Logan, I'm praying that they can navigate life better than I have.
My wild child still makes appearances every now and then, but even she has grown up a little. She will show up and have a glass of wine. Just one. She will go to bed at 11 instead of 9 on weekends. She will have that ill-advised 2nd piece of cake and indulge in her guilty pleasure of watching Teen Mom. Her newest endeavor is to compete in a 5k.
The training program I'm doing is an 8 week training program. It may not take me 8 weeks, but I don't want to do this quickly, I want to do it right. I enjoy running and I want to condition my body to enjoy it, and to do it well. Gone are the days of playing volleyball for hours on end, and I feel lazy if I don't do something. As much as I live my life for others these days (with two kiddos and a husband, it's what I do) running is just for me. The effort is mine, the reward is mine. The failures and triumphs are mine alone. The challenge is mental and physical and I'm so eager to conquer this. I'm looking forward to documenting the journey because it is so much more than running. It's about conditioning, commitment, and ultimately, completion when I cross over that first finish line which will be some time in October (if not sooner).
Come on, Wild Child, let's get started on our next adventure together!
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