....."other life events". I'd say that's what I'm focusing on right now. I will admit that I haven't been running. I haven't even been trying to work out. I realized a few weeks ago that I'm too heavy to run like I used to, so weight loss is in order before I can even begin to run again. Once I realized that, I came home, reflected upon how much weight I need to lose to be able to run comfortably, and proceeded to eat half a carton of ice cream because how depressing is THAT??
It's bizarre when your brain wants to do something but you're limited by your body. My brain is operating off of muscle memory from when I was about 20 lbs lighter. My brain was all for this running thing, and it couldn't quite figure out why it wasn't as easy as it used to be. My mind was where it needed to be, my body was not.
I'm very tempted to throw up my hands and declare to the world that this muffin top is here to stay and I'm going to shake it proudly (hey, it works for all those girls at the club who proudly display their prominent bellies with tight shirts, even tighter pants and don't seem to care that they really ARE letting it all hang out.) Sadly, that's just not me. I can't even APPROACH their level of confidence, so I'm either facing a major weight loss campaign or a life of baggy clothes. My first option is the baggy clothes because hey, it's easy, comfortable and come on, I stay home with my kids. We're lucky if I shower, let alone put on cute clothes and make-up.
So, okay, weight loss it is. Now, how to get started? WHEN to get started? With kiddos, they come first. They have to, because they can't do a lot of things themselves. How frustrating would it be if you were hungry, couldn't understand that food was coming and couldn't get it for yourself? Frustrating and a little scary. This is where my kids are right now, so from the moment I get up, their needs come first. Then hubby's needs, then the house, then...oh yeah, now it's time to go to sleep (but not really because Logan will be up at 3am to eat and Canyon will be up at 4:30am thinking he's going to be awake and I don't even get to SLEEP when I want to). I take all these things and make excuses as to why I don't have to diet. "Darnit, this brownie is the only thing I get to do just for ME!" I would run, just for me, but the time constraints are more lax around eating that brownie. And it tastes better too.
We've also been dealing with Canyon's situation. We've been suspecting that he has traits of Autism, not full on Autism, but perhaps on the higher functioning end of the spectrum. He's been dealing with ECI (early childhood intervention) since his 2nd birthday with OT, Speech therapy, behavioral therapy, etc. We've had him evaluated by the school district and a school psychologist and they confirmed that he will qualify for PPCD by his 3rd birthday because of these traits. This is a "preschool program for children with DISABILITIES". My child has a "disability"? I mean, sure he has difficulties in areas that other kids his age don't, but he's my kid!! The same one that hugs me and holds my face in his hands and tells me, "oh you're a sweet mama." The same one who puts on daddy's shoes and grabs his laptop case and says, "okay, I go work, have a good day." Really? A disability? I ponder these things as I down another pint of ice cream, because no one likes to hear that there's anything wrong with their precious, perfect kiddos.
So, suffice it to say that we've had "other life events" happening around us for awhile. I've got a lot of really good reasons to not run, right? I've got a lot of really good reasons to bury my head in the sand, eat my ice cream (or whatever sweet treat finds its way into my hand at the moment) and just forget about the discipline it takes to complete this task, right? Unfortunately not. The apostle Paul tells us that "in a race, all runners run, but only one gets the prize. Run in such a way as to get the prize." (1 Corinthians 9:24) I know he's talking about the "race of life" or whatever, but there's a reason why he uses this analogy. Whatever we do, we are not to do it just to do it. We need to do it to the best of our ability. To do it with the goal in mind of WINNING not just participating. To discipline our hearts, minds, spirits and, yes, bodies to be capable of coming out on top. He doesn't tell us to train this way until it gets hard. He tells us to train this way ESPECIALLY when it gets hard. He doesn't tell us to train until we feel we've reached our potential, he tells us to keep training until we WIN. We are not allowed to give up. In life, or in my case, in this race. So, I'm choosing this day to unhand the brownie, redirect my efforts (step one, lose weight, THEN train for a race) and run as if to win that race. No more excuses (and sweets only on designated "cheat" days.) Here we go! (again) :-)
